(Listen to All of Our Past Programs from our Divorce Source Radio “Podcast Archive” Page)

Now What? Blueprinting the Future you Desire – Step-12 Divorce Recovery Series

(Listener Note: This is Episode #11 of this twelve-part series. To take full advantage of this please visit our show archive and listen to the episodes in their proper order.)

Today’s show is the final and most exciting as we explore the unlimited possibility life offers when we intentionally create each step of our journey with a willingness and desire to engage fully utilizing all our gifts, talents, skills and passion.  With each completed effort we joyfully surrender the outcome, having faith that whatever it is, it is the perfect and only next step for us.  Upon that outcome being either in line with our desired goal or different, we assess, integrate what we have learned, recalibrate our plans and re-engage.

This is the practice of SESI.  SET your intention, ENGAGE 100%, SURRENDER the outcome, INTEGRATE your experience and lessons and begin again.  We expect the unexpected.  We are comfortable with change.  We embrace all learning opportunities.  We are fully alive, fully engaged and fully responsible. No worries.  No regrets.  Only the present moment and the belief in ourselves and in unlimited possibility.

For more information on Karen and Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program visit: www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com

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Living Free, Empowered, Excited, and Enrolled in Life  

(Listener Note: This is Episode #11 of this twelve-part series. To take full advantage of this please visit our show archive and listen to the episodes in their proper order.)

Today’s show is about utilizing all you have learned in the previous ten steps to design and move towards your ideal post -divorce life now, regardless of if you are pre, in the midst of, or post divorce. See how to put it together to create a more encompassing perspective and begin to experience life as an unpredictable adventure that you have the power to influence profoundly.  Hear how,  by assuming full responsibility for your life, you can engage with a creative freedom and use your power to direct yourself towards the life you desire.

Receive a powerful navigation tool,  the MIFR, which is both a broom and a life compass.  It allows you to sweep your mind clean of old ways of reacting using Mindfulness to analyze any reaction before you take action. Using Inquiry to correct your course of action through Focus, and finally navigate to destinations of your choosing by Reframing your perspective.  The MIFR allows you to take action in ways supportive of your goals, sweeping away perspectives and actions that have undermined your success in the past.

For more information on Karen and Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program visit: www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com

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A Seal to Heal Your Marriage

Our guest is retired US Navy SEAL Darek Laviolette, author of A Seal to Heal Your Marriage. Derek spent 24 years of active duty service, with 9 combat deployments. He’s also the recipient of the Bronze Star with Valor.

His new book A S.E.A.L. to Heal Your Marriage is the result of an 8 year marriage which ended after losing his wife and family to divorce.  Derek has rebuilt a life he loves and is reaching out to help others through his book.

Darek’s passion for healing marriages stems from personal experience and his childhood influences. Darek’s exposure to self-help as a child forced him to understand what happened to his family, and after his own marriage collapsed, he spent the better part of a decade learning what happened and how to use his own experience for the greater good – keeping other families intact. For more on Derek, visit: www.ASealToHealYourMarriage.com.

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Regaining trust in yourself and others: Tuning Into Your Inner Wisdom

(Listener Note: This is Episode #10 of this twelve-part series. To take full advantage of this please visit our show archive and listen to the episodes in their proper order).

Today’s subject is about trust and tuning inward to access one of the  greatest resources we have - our own inner, intuitive guidance and wisdom. There are people in our lives that we turn to for guidance and wisdom when we are faced with uncertainty and important decisions. This is very valuable. AND there are so many times when we hear another’s advice and know it’s just not right for us. There’s no one who knows more about you, your situation, your values, your strengths and vulnerabilities than YOU. Wouldn’t it be great to know that you have inside you all the resources and wisdom you need to come up with the best course of action to take in any situation? The key lies in accessing more of your discernment process than the logical mind or gathering more and more data points.

In today’s podcast, we will talk about intuition, what it is, how it shows up, what gets in the way of our accepting it as an important part of our thinking and decision making process, what is possible when we pay attention to it, and the consequences of ignoring the intuitive messages we receive. There is a lot of literature written about how to distinguish the voice of your inner guidance or intuition from the voice of fear, contraction, or your inner critic. We will discuss some ways you can distinguish the source of that voice in your head saying “Yes, let’s do it!”…or “NO!!!!!!”  Also, we will give you some steps for cultivating your intuition so that it becomes a strength that you can learn to trust and rely upon.

For more information on Karen and Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program visit: www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com.

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Breaking Free of the Past: Stepping into Possibility During Divorce

(Listener Note: This is Episode #9 of this twelve-part series. To take full advantage of this please visit our show archive and listen to the episodes in their proper order).

It is normal to feel hurt, anger, blame and resentment while going through divorce.  It is a devastating and traumatic transition, one that we all resist and that no one escapes without experiencing these painful feelings at some point in the process.  In today’s show, Karen McMahon and Karen Basmagy discuss the pitfalls of living in resistance and the benefits of learning to accept what is.

When we feel stuck and overwhelmed, it is a red flag that we are resisting what is happening to our lives.  It sounds something like, “This isn’t happening!”, “I can’t believe s/he is doing this!”, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!”, “This is all my/his/her fault”.  When we are in resistance, we remain stuck in blame and disbelief and unable to move forward.  We unable to see our part in our dissolving marriage and unwilling to consider the possibility in life after divorce.  Resistance adds more stress and tension into an already difficult situation.

The key to stepping into the possibility that your future holds is to learn to accept: accept the choices you made, accept the way your spouse behaves, accept that you marriage is dissolving and the divorce is happening.  By resisting, nothing changes except that it is harder and more stressful.  By accepting, we begin to move through the hard time.  Acceptance opens up choices and we can see more possibility with each decision we make. Acceptance enables us to channel our energy into what we do have control over.  Listen in and follow the suggested action steps to help you move through your divorce.

For more information on Karen and Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program visit: www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com.

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The Antidote for Feeling Powerless During Divorce

(Listener Note: This is Episode #8 of this twelve-part series. To take full advantage of this please visit our show archive and listen to the episodes in their proper order).

Divorce is a time of upheaval and chaos.  Life as you’ve known it is changing daily in ways small and large.  You are responsible for many to do’s to manage the change. Exactly where all this change is leading is unknowable yet your mind is in overload attempting to predict your future or figure out the past.  In this 8th show of Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program Karen McMahon, founder of Journey Beyond Divorce, and her partner Lisa Brick discuss the importance of leading your head to where your feet are or, bringing yourself to and staying present in the moment.  

It is an ingrained habit of mind to time travel to attempt to figure out the unknowable.  When we get lost in reflections of the past or fears projected onto our futures we waste the present by disabling our ability to be effective in the one place that is real and where we have power,  right here and right now.  Karen and Lisa discuss why staying present in the moment eliminates the feelings of powerlessness that so many individuals experience during divorce, how it does that, and what easily accessible tools and effective practices are available to bring you back to and keep you in present moment awareness.  It is in this present moment that you are powerful to choose and take considered and strategic actions to navigate wisely and well through your divorce as well as the rest of your life.   

If you are interested in gaining from the pain of divorce join Karen and Lisa and let them guide you in understanding how you are intensifying that pain, how to begin minimizing it, and how to use present moment awareness to make your journey through divorce and beyond as easy and pleasurable as possible.  

For more information on Karen and Journey Beyond Divorce’s 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program visit: www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com.

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 Mistakes During Divorce

On this episode of “Ask Henry” attorney Henry Gornbein discusses some common mistakes people make during divorce and how to avoid these pitfalls.

For more on Henry Gornbein, visit:www.FamilyLawForMichigan.com. To order a copy of Henry’s latest book Divorce Demystified visit: www.divorcedemystifiedbook.com.

For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

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Should You Tell The Other Woman or Man’s Spouse of The Affair?

Affair expert David Feder answers a listener question regarding whether to call the spouse of the person your partner is having an affair with on this episode of The Anatomy of An Affair on Divorce Source Radio.

Listen to more programs related to divorce and life after divorce at: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

For more on David Feder, visit: www.MyLifeAfterAnAffair.com

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Rebuilding Trust After an Affair

Affair expert, David Feder, discusses how to rebuild trust after an affair has occured on this episode of The Anatomy of an Affair on Divorce Source Radio.

For more programs on divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

For more on David Feder, visit: www.MyLifeAfterAnAffair.com.

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A Fathers’ Rights Story

This is a story of one Fathers’ Rights case and how things can go horribly wrong.

Wilson is the father of two children, with whom he shares with his ex-wife. Prior to his separation and divorce, he continued to work long, hard hours as a restaurant manager, while his wife stayed home and cared for their children full–time.

Everything was fine until one day in September 2013 his wife decided she no longer wanted to be married to him, filed for divorce, remarried a man she met online and uprooted with the children to Australia.  WITHOUT THE FATHER’S CONSENT!

Family Law attorney Henry Gornbein provides advice during this powerful show.  For more on Henry visit: www.FamilyLawForMichigan.com.

For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  Send any questions or comments you might have to [email protected].

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Happily After Laughter with Yakov Smirnoff

Today on Being Single with Steve Peck and Toni Morales, Yakov Smirnoff joins us to talk about his new comedy show, the Happily After Laughter Tour and explains how  laughter can effect relationships in a powerful way.

Yakov Smirnoff

A mainstay in the entertainment scene since the late 1970’s, Smirnoff was a regular guest star on the award winning NBC sitcom, Night Court. He has been a popular guest of numerous national TV shows including the Tonight Show. You’ve seen him on HBO and enjoyed his humor on his critically acclaimed Showtime special. Yakov has also co-starred in movies with Robin Williams in Moscow on the Hudson, Tom Hanks in The Money Pit, Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson in Heartburn and Richard Pryor in Brewster’s Millions. Yakov was invited to perform at the White House for several presidents and honored guests. President Ronald Reagan called Yakov a “national treasure.”

In his newest endeavor, “The Happily Ever Laughter Tour”, Smirnoff takes his comedy to a new level to showcase laughter’s effects on relationships and envisions a world where sadness and tears are replaced with love and laughter.

Yakov is passionate about helping people extend the honeymoon stage of their relationships and “fall in love and laughter all over again” and you’re going to LOVE this show!  For more on Yakov visit: www.Yakov.com.

For more information on Toni visit: www.YouRiseAbove.com.  For more programs on divorce and life after divorce visit: http://www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at: http://www.Facebook.com/BeingSingleRadio.

Feel free to write Toni and Steve at [email protected].

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Surviving Domestic Violence

On this episode of The Smart Divorce, Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck interview Rachel, a DV survivor, who not only survived, but thrived; creating a better life upon leaving her abusive marriage. Rachel is an inspiration. She shares with us her journey through the dark days of abuse through to building a happy new life.

Her reflections back through her upbringing and abuse include how, with the help of Tim Wenzel, a Personal Security Consultant, she moved from an abusive house to a safe home. If you or someone you know is abused, you will definitely want to listen to Surviving Domestic Violence. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Abuse displays itself in many ways, from physical to emotional scars, psychological to sexual…..whatever the dynamics applies to injurious or improper treatment.

For more information about leaving with a Personality Security Consultant tune into the interview with Tim Wenzel http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/physically-abused-leave-safely-security-professional

For more information or to purchase The Smart Divorce Smart Guide including Tim Wenzel’s tip sheet: Domestic Violence: Is it Time to Leave? Email [email protected] to receive 10% off your order, or order The Smart Divorce ToolKit for greater savings on all three resources: The Smart Divorce, The Smart Divorce Smart Guides and The Smart Divorce Audios (4CD set)
For more information about Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce – Divorce Coaching and Divorce Resources visit www.thesmartdivorce.com. Your one stop shop for cost effective divorce support.

Join our community and be notified of new programs, articles and information by “LIKING” our Facebook pages at: The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio.  For more programs on divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

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First Legal Steps to Take During Divorce

Attorney Henry Gornbein returns with another episode of Ask Henry to discuss the first legal steps to take during divorce.

Topics include:
• Filing a complaint or petition
• Putting your husband or wife on notice - what to expect
• Serving the divorce petition to your husband or wife
• How to do it with the least amount of discourse.
• How some lawyers “troll” or solicit for clients and how this can be harmful if domestic violence has been part of the marriage
• Creating a checklist for the divorce process
• Digital Discovery - Computers, cell phones, etc.

For more on Henry Gornbein, visit: www.FamilyLawForMichigan.com.

For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit www.DivorceSourceRadio.com. Join our community and be notified of new programs by “liking” our Facebook page at: www.Facebook.com/DivorceSourceRadio.

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Are You Physically Abused? How to Leave Safely with a Security Professional

Are you physically abused? Leaving an abusive relationship is hard. What may sound simple to an outsider is more complex to those on the inside. It’s not as simple as it sounds. The background of an individual – economic, cultural, education, age, sex or lifestyle – does not matter. Domestic violence, be it physical or emotional affects all walks of life. One in three female homicide victims are murdered by their current or former partner every year! This needs to stop!

Even if you’re not in an abusive situation, chances are you know someone who is. What can you do to help? What can you do if you are abused? Our guest, Tim Wenzel is a Protective Security Consultant based out of the San Francisco Bay area. Tim founded Wenzel Protection Group to provide security & consulting services to the US Government, Foreign Diplomats, Corporations, and Families.

Wenzel Protection Group believes in making the world a better place. Their passion project has been working with Victims of Domestic Violence. They are committed to providing education, consulting, and services that help these families live without fear.

We discuss:
- How to leave without a trace
- Working with a team – Lawyer, Therapist and Security Professional
- Working with Security Professional
- Working with your Security Professional After You’ve Left
- Safe Living Training
- Breaking the DV cycle and transition to a healthy new start

To contact Tim Wenzel email [email protected]

For more information or to purchase The Smart Divorce Smart Guide including Tim Wenzel’s tip sheet: Domestic Violence: Is it Time to Leave? Email [email protected] and receive 10% off , or order The Smart Divorce ToolKit for greater savings on all three resources: The Smart Divorce, The Smart Divorce Smart Guides and The Smart Divorce Audios (4CD set) email.

For more information about Deborah Moskovitch and The Smart Divorce – Divorce Coaching and Divorce Resources visit www.thesmartdivorce.com . Your one stop shop for cost effective divorce support.  Join our community and be notified of new programs, articles and information by “LIKING” our Facebook pages at: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Smart-Divorce/202908933137654 and Divorce Source Radio: http://www.facebook.com/divorcesourceradio

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You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

Divorce Coach Laura Campbell joins Nicole Feuer and Francine Barars on Start Over Smart.
This program will help you assess where are you now, look at where you want to go and provide tips on how to get there.

Laura Campbell

Topics include:
• What to expect when divorcing
• Considerations if you have children
• Common Pitfalls during divorce
• Your next chapter in life
• Becoming self-sufficient
• Finding love again
• And much more.

For more on Nicole and Francine and their book 37 Things I wish I’d Known Before My Divorce visit: www.SOSDivorceAdvisors.com.

For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

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Attorney Henry Gornbein returns with another episode of Ask Henry to discuss the first legal steps to take during divorce.

Topics include:

• Filing a complaint or petition
• Putting your husband or wife on notice - what to expect
• Serving the divorce petition to your husband or wife
• How to do it with the least amount of discourse.
• How some lawyers “troll” or solicit for clients and how this can be harmful if domestic violence has been part of the marriage
• Creating a checklist for the divorce process
• Digital Discovery - Computers, cell phones, etc.

For more on Henry Gornbein, visit: www.FamilyLawForMichigan.com. For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  Join our community and be notified of new programs by “liking” our Facebook page at: www.Facebook.com/DivorceSourceRadio.

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Affairs - Why Your Heart Can’t Be Two Places at The Same Time

In episode 11 of The Anatomy of an Affair, David Feder discusses why your heart can’t be two places at the same time during an affair.

Comparing your partner to the affair partner is an unfair comparison that will either create more confusion for you or keep you stuck.  You will not discover why you are where you are.  Your heart cannot be in two places at the same time and your partner will almost always come up wanting in any comparison test.  Instead it will be more helpful if instead of directing blame onto your spouse, you focus on yourself and become more aware of your beliefs, values and needs.

David Feder

The way a person feels when in an affair will almost always trump feelings had in a long-term relationship.  An affair is a fantasy built on a foundation of secrecy, exclusive focus and excitement.  Absent are the financial and childcare responsibilities that often distract committed partners from one another and robs the committed relationship of passion.  Hence, the affair will often appear more exciting and leave participating partners thinking that they finally met someone who truly understands.  But, do they?

For more information on David Feder, visit: http://www.mylifeafteranaffair.com

For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  Send any questions or comments you might have to [email protected].

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Naked Dating

There are shows and then there are shows.  THIS is one of those shows.  If you find yourself single and dating, you know this can be a difficult process.

Lisa Shield

On this episode of Being Single, Steve and Toni speak with one of the country’s most popular dating coaches, Lisa Shield. (www.LisaShield.com)

Lisa shares how she found her dream man after 100 dates and encourages us to not be afraid of the dating process, dip our toe in the water, and find the love we deserve.  This is s “Must Listen To” program for any of our single listeners.  And because we don’t have a time limit on shows, this one lasts two hours, but we bet you’ll be using your pause button and be coming back for the entire show.

Show topics include:

• What is “Naked Dating?
• Do men and women and women want the same thing?
• How we go about getting our needs met?
• How important is physical attraction?
• Do men seek sex for different reasons than women?
• Male vs. female fantasies
• Has women’s lib changed the landscape of relationships?
• The importance of visualizing your perfect partner
• The power of unconditional love
• How to overcome the fear of dating
• How to give and take in relationships
• Knowing your boundaries
• Why you may be attracting the same type of person you don’t want
• Do you feel deserving of love?
• Making the most of your dates
• Should a new relationship be having problems?
• Lisa shares how she met the man of her dreams
• How to not take things our partner says so personally
• How to support your partner during tough times
• Encouragement to get out and begin dating
• How to go about online dating
• The importance of having a great dating profile
• The three date rule. Does that really happen?
• Is it right to be uncompromising and have the “must take me just as I am mentality?”
• Can you suggest your partner make changes?

For more information on Toni visit: www.YouRiseAbove.com.  For more programs on divorce and life after divorce visit: http://www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at: http://www.Facebook.com/BeingSingleRadio.

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Have A Recovery Plan After An Affair

David Feder returns with episode #10 of The Anatomy of An Affair on Divorce Source Radio.

In this show, David helps those who have experienced an affair find the missing like in the recovery process.

Topics include:

• What people need in recovery after an affair
• Dealing with the trauma and pain
• Having a plan for therapy
• Keeping hope alive after an affair
• Regaining trust after an affair

Listener note: This is Part 10 of this series, and if you have found this program through our archive directory, iTunes or Stitcher Radio, it is advised you begin with program 1 and follow the podcasts in their original order.

For more information on David Feder, visit: www.MyLifeAfterAnAffair.com.  For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  Send any questions or comments you might have to [email protected].

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How to Make Divorce and Separation Fair and Affordable

Is it possible to go to court and make the process of divorce and separation fair and affordable, less acrimonious and actually helpful? Find out how with Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck as we discuss with our guest, Justice Rebecca Love Kourlis of IAALS, access to justice, and what it means for family court litigants. Judge Kourlis is the author of more than 200 opinions and dissents during her tenure as a judge, and also spearheaded significant reforms in the judicial system relating to juries, family law and attorney regulation. Her contribution to the justice system is significant and impressive.

IAALS, the Institute for the Advancement of the American Legal System, is busy working to make the process of separation and divorce more fair, dignified and affordable.  And, most importantly, preserve families in the most positive way they can be during a difficult time.

IAALS’ Honoring Families Initiative has successfully developed an interdisciplinary model for reaching out-of-court resolutions in cases of separation and divorce.  That model is now at work at the Resource Center for Separating and Divorcing Families at the University of Denver.   They are at work tackling the challenges of the in-court divorce process, identifying the issues and compiling research on a number of fronts.  That research will help IAALS along with some of the best minds in the country to suggest real solutions to improve the system.

We explore:

• What does access to justice mean for family court litigants
• What are some of the access to justice issues facing family court litigants today?
• Is cost a significant issue in family court cases?
• How are courts and individual judges dealing with these issues
• And much more!

If you are contemplating divorce, in the throes of divorce and not sure what to do, then you won’t want to miss the valuable information shared by Becky Kourlis.  Empower yourself with information and knowledge so that you can divorce more holistically to avoid the pain and scars that can emerge!

• Learn more about IAALS and the Honoring Families Initiative at http://iaals.du.edu/
• Resource Center for Separating and Divorcing Families at the University of Denver
• IAALS web site
• IAALS Online (blog)

Questions, comments, suggestions:

[email protected] or [email protected]

For more ideas on divorce reform and what you can do see Deborah’s article in the Huffington Post –Solving the Problem of Divorce, Have Your Say!

For more information on Deborah Moskovitch visit: www.thesmartdivorce.com.  And for more programs on divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

Don’t forget, LIKE us on our Facebook pages, The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio.  Join the community.

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Protect Your Children During Divorce

January has been dubbed “divorce month” — and with good reason. It shows a higher number of divorce filings than any other month. Going through a divorce during the holidays can be emotionally draining, which is why many people don’t do it – they put it off until January. People don’t want to upset the status quo, rituals or routines over the holiday season; they want a peaceful Christmas, Hanukkah, festive season or happy New Year’s. They also don’t want their children to associate the holidays with their parents divorce – that certainly is putting their children’s best interest first.  And then after soul searching and reflection during this time, many realize that they don’t want to spend another year with their spouse, as soon as the holidays are over they make this life changing decision, and file.

Rosalind Sedacca

Join Deborah Moskovitch and Steve Peck as we discuss with our guest, Rosalind Sedacca smarter ways to begin the divorce process, especially when you’ve got kids.  Rosalind shares with us information about International Child-Centered Divorce Month, which is commemorated every January. This month divorcing and divorced parents can access free coaching, books, video programs and other gifts – all free – from divorce experts around the world. Deborah offers something special there too!

Tune in to find out how you can take advantage of this very special offer.

And, there’s a bonus for The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio Listeners.  Order now to receive 25% off the already low price.  Email Deborah  for more information and to place your order.  Click herefor more information.

For more information on Rosalind Sedacca visit: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.  For more information on Deborah Moskovitch, visit: www.thesmartdivorce.com.  And for more program on divorce and life after divorce, visit: www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.

Don’t forget, LIKE us on our Facebook pages, The Smart Divorce and Divorce Source Radio.  Join the community.

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The Legal Process of Divorce Part 2 - Filing for Divorce

Family Law attorney, Henry Gornbein, continues his series, The Divorce Process.

In this episode, Henry addresses questions related to filing for divorce.  Some believe that it matters who files first.  You may be surprised with Henry’s answer.

Others feel they would be best represented by a firm that markets directly to men or women.  Henry dispels the need for a specialized law firm.

Filing is never an easy decision to make and shouldn’t be taken lightly.  Henry provides information and insight for anyone considering divorce in this important legal series.

For more on Henry Gornbein, visit: www.FamilyLawOfMichigan.com. For more programs related to divorce and life after divorce, visit www.DivorceSourceRadio.com.  Join our community and be notified of new programs by “liking” our Facebook page at: www.Facebook.com/DivorceSourceRadio.

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So your ex has moved out – now what? Our guide to moving your home from “we” to “me”

By: Deborah Moskovitch

It was a dream-like experience. Upon returning from a weekend away with our children, the bedroom closets were empty—my husband, now my ex, had moved out. He took the fabulous living room furniture that we had purchased not that long ago.  My world was changing.

The reality was, I wanted to stop thinking about who I had become upon divorce—a single woman—and focus on my surroundings. I wanted my home to change from our home to my home.

I wanted to shape my space to reflect my personality. I wanted to transform it into a space where I would be happy. Slowly, this philosophy would influence the décor throughout my home.

Of course, like most of the things I was dealing with, this was uncharted territory—especially learning to deal with my new budget. The first project I wanted to tackle was my new bedroom. The room which we shared, which was ours, was now mine. As I gloriously celebrated more closet space, I needed to create a room which would provide new memoires of the next chapter of my life. I fantasized about my new seductive boudoir, strewn with rose pedals and candlelight everywhere. 

But the truth was, that wasn’t me. Reality set in and I did what I could—cost effectively, changing only my sheets, drapery and mattress. It was a fresh start.

Comfort for the kids as well

I also needed to keep in mind that my children needed continuity. Even if I could afford it (which I couldn’t), I wasn’t going to change everything. After all, what message would that be sending to my children—erasing all memories of their life before the divorce? Letting my personality shine through as best I could, spending as little I could, I would decorate for myself, not anyone else.  I bought some new artwork, throw pillows for my family room sofa and a few knick-knacks here and there.

Kimberly Seldon, an internationally recognized designer, suggests: “When you experience a crisis it’s essential to take time to heal before embarking on new projects.  I’ve met new clients who immediately want to redesign the whole house. It may feel good to “erase” any trace of him, but you want to make sure you are in a sane and peaceful frame of mind before you start renovating or decorating.”

“You don’t want to make every decision with him in mind. For example, he hated leather so you will “show him” and put leather everywhere. That may not be what you really want.  Once you are emotionally ready to heal and move on, then decorating can be an empowering process; reclaiming your own space and your own look.” 

Seldon offers the following helpful tips to lessen the decorator letdown, and create a space that will become your retreat and your oasis; and a sanctuary away from the hectic life you lead. After all, life post-divorce sometimes seems like huge a balancing act, teetering on the brink between stress and sanity. 

Be yourself. Make sure you are choosing what is authentic for you – not just what he would have hated. You are going to be moving into new territory; a whole new life.  You’ll want the new space to reflect the beginning of a new life, not the end of an old one.

Put the war to rest, and be realistic. Put together a floor plan before you hire the movers. It’s too easy during a divorce to fight over pieces of furniture that are really obsolete once you move. Make sure you want or need the items in question before you pay the movers to take them to the new home. If the old pieces of furniture don’t fit, or aren’t right, that will just be one more thing you hate about the divorce.

Be authentic. Seldon comments: “I have a dear friend in LA whose home is very formal, but she’s very casual person. There’s a disconnect when you see her in the space.” Embrace the best parts of yourself and create an environment that celebrates the real you

Let the real you shine through. Seldon learns the most about new friends and clients from the artwork and books they collect. These are the true mirror to the soul. You may not want to invest in a lot of kitsch for your new house, but a funky coffee table book about the subject sends a message about your irreverent side.

Ah, my space, and loving it. Relaxing in the surroundings I call home. I’m doing it in style, my way – and it’s certainly far from perfect. But, that isn’t to say I can’t change my space from “me” to “we” again, but for now, this is what makes me happy.

Deborah Moskovitch is a divorce consultant and educator, and author of The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and Other Experts. Deborah has become an opinion leader in the media and has shared her insights and research on television and radio to explain that divorce can be managed in smarter ways. To learn more visit: thesmartdivorce.com

Original content from more.ca